Monday, April 2, 2012

The tinge of hatred

There are times when I don't love you.
There are times when my feeling is almost close to hatred.
No, not anger. Hatred.
But only close, and I hope never there.
And yet how could life ever be complete in your absence
how would my existence make any sense?

I sometimes wonder what I would do after you are gone,
Instinct says I should go along,
but the rational me would say just go on.
But again, how could I go on in a world without you,
who would I rejoice my little victories with, who would I cry about my failures to?
No. I am not dependent, I am not tied,
And yet I am all that and more.

The surge of affection I feel this minute-
A blind urge to protect you from the world's cruelties,
and make sure you would never be gone..
Yet, who am I but a mere spectator, a tool in the hands of an unending cycle
An evanescent dot in the vast universe- bright one fleeting moment, gone the next?
and how could two mere dots feel such an unencompassable emotion?

Yet, if you were to go, there would be a gaping hole

Not a mere dot that vanished, but something in me gone forever.
Maybe because, for all my rationality, it is this that makes me complete-
the love, the reason for the love and
the tinge of hatred.

P.S: 1. I haven't posted for long and there are quite a few posts in my Drafts- hope they see light of day sometime. Sorry, readers! Sorry, myself, too because I had almost forgotten the joy of writing..
2. This poem is dedicated to the many people I have loved, respected, been inspired by and who have made my life complete (even, if I hated them for some moments!). There was a time in my life when I used to think it didn't matter, but with time I have realized I was naive then, and that, like Dumbledore so often says, love is the most powerful magic in the world. I know that sounds like a Bollywood dialogue, but really, that's what I felt the moment I started reading this article- The value of the people I have got, and how my world would crash if they were gone...

4 comments:

  1. ... nice... you're right, its naive... yet i find it articulate.. almost judging myself for feeling this way...

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  2. im not going to say this is so unlike u. im also not going to say that this is very much like you. here's what i feel:

    "i am happy to see a level of intelligence in you which enables you to stay neither in nor out."

    hence. i request you to keep in mind that u r currently at the boundary, and that trying to oscillate may yield better results.

    - who else but the wise birbal? ;)

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  3. Thanks! I think even I judged myself for what I wrote, but in retrospect, it is true.
    Makes me wonder if it is ok for something that I don't completely approve of to be true and for me to make no attempt to change it. Maybe, my approval is not accurate...

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  4. And wow.. The second comment is very wise :)
    However, oscillation is generally an unstable state, but then one can always argue that any state involves some minor oscillation...

    ReplyDelete

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